meet love halfway.
It was 2006 and I was working on cruise ships. I had flown from Madison to Rome and was so jet-lagged that I couldn’t see straight. All I wanted was a nap but was instantly thrown into trainings, tours and catch up time with one of my favorite friends on earth, Amy. I have no idea how, but that night she talked me into having a couple of drinks to meet all of my new co-workers for the next three months AND check out the guy she already had a crush on. I literally was so tired that I thought I just pass out in the bar (which surprisingly would be first), but the call of a beverage and hotness was too tempting.
The OB (Officers Bar where we hung out) was hoppin. Why wouldn’t it be? There are about 15 different nationalities-mostly men- in the room and drinks are about a buck. Amy was whisking me around with 10 second intros lingering on the ones that she liked or thought that I might. I remember having a beer in my hand and only one eye open….just trying to focus on who I was talking to. Then, the booze gods shined down on me and I started to get a buzz so my 10th wind kicked in. I mean who doesn’t love Dutch officers? So much fun that I barely noticed when Amy said good night and went to our cabin.
About an hour later when I realized that exhaustion had officially set in and my new BFFs had just left, I turned towards the door to leave. Then it hit me…I had zero idea how to get to my cabin (as in the room where I lived and where my bed was loudly calling my name). Now, I am not directionally special, I actually was deemed “the Navigator” on family road trips to Disney World, but I had never been on this type of ship before and the crew area could be super confusing. I was definitely screwed.
Let me make a quick mention that I am overall quite self sufficient and a pretty strong woman. I have been on 5 out of 7 continents, can change my own tire and cook almost anything. Hell, I started my own business and this site, thank you very much. I was the one that my friends came to for help. So besides my parents I was not used to asking for help and certainly not from someone who I would have to see regularly around the ship and would smile and always give me the look like “that girl didn’t even know how to get back to her own cabin.”
He laughed and flashed me his megawatt smile and said sure. I nervously smiled and kept saying “see that wasn’t so bad” over and over in my head to make my heart stop thumping so loudly. I can ask for help. This guy wouldn’t think I was a total idiot, right?
We walked the maze to my cabin and actually started up a nice conversation. He was an engineer on board, a nice guy and really funny. Somewhere along the way, I started to breathe again and actually enjoy myself. So much, that when he asked if I wanted to stop in the engine room to see his friend for a moment I said sure. What the hell, it was the least I could do.
After about 15 minutes of laughing with the two of them I said my goodbyes since I knew approximately where I was now and could get back to my cabin. I wondered if I would ever see Robert again. His schedule was very different than mine and we would run in different social circles. But the night had ended up being a pleasant surprise. I started to walk out of the room so tired I wanted to cry that I didn’t notice the inch tall lip on the bottom of the door and tripped. Now, there is one thing you should know about me, I am klutzy. Very klutzy. Tripping is normal for me, but falling completely flat on my face isn’t and it took about two minutes for Robert and his friend to make sure I was ok and then fall over laughing. I mean actually fall over laughing. My body and ego was completely bruised. I felt like a complete ass.
I had no idea what to do. The mighty had fallen, literally. All my coolness was gone. I couldn’t be my usually cute, snarky self around this guy because not only had I gotten lost but then fell on my face. I was a total disaster.
But here is what happened that totally surprise me. Due to my ridiculousness, the ice was broken. All the pretenses were gone and it paved the way to a beautiful friendship. One so beautiful that I am aiming to head to Amsterdam to spend time with him this summer.
I am convinced that if I would not have had that vulnerability and been able to let my guard down, Robert would have faded into the background like so many others that summer. He would have been somebody that I knew their name and said hello to in the hallways. Which I now know would have been sad since he is one of my favorite people on earth. Without this accident, I would never be able to be the same person I am today because he has made a true impact on my life.
What the hell does this rambling post about me making an ass of myself have to do with dating?
Somewhere along the way we have chosen this media inspired way that we are supposed to look and act in life and relationships. We are so busy trying to do everything “right” we forget how life takes over and these moments, imperfections, disasters, debacles and so forth actually make us better people. Not everyone is going to look like Zac or the Kardashians and man it would be boring if they did. We are all imperfect, flawed and in my mind that is the good stuff. The stuff helps us recognize our gifts, stand out among the masses and makes us different.
So this week as you walk around with your winning smile and are trying to to look and be your best, remember that it is accidents that can make the best stories, memories and even friendships. What is your favorite accident?
Share your story with me.
-Kira
Here is my recent post for the super smart USA Today College. If you have not checked them out, they are a must.
Recently, I found myself in a random, yet fascinating, conversation at one of my favorite coffee shops (a.k.a. “my office”) on a snowy afternoon. To be honest, conversations with strangers are one of my favorite things on Earth. Knowing you may never see them again allows a pure honesty that you don’t always get with people you see on a day-to-day basis. In this quickly intimate conversation, we began talking about friendships – and he made one of the most thought-provoking statements that I had heard in a long time.
“We are represented by our five closest friends.”
The comment was almost flippant, but it sent me reeling. I have always been a proponent of “you are who you surround yourself with,” but the simplicity of this utterance made me wonder about my five people – and am I really OK with them representing me?
College is an interesting time for friendships and sometimes we end up hanging on to friendships with freshmen dorm roommates and floormates instead of people who support, inspire us and make our days better. Without even realizing it, you might find yourself spending your time talking, studying, eating and socializing with people you don’t have much in common with, let alone even like.
Why does this matter – and what does it have to do with dating? Well, everything. Friends impact us in many, many ways. They can affect our mood, confidence, lifestyle choices, social life, schedule, etc. In other words, they are either helping or hurting.
So, here are three types of friends who may be keeping you from your best love life. Do any of them sound familiar?
Read the rest of the story on USA Today College.
My cousin Big Mary is an inspiration. She is about 70 years old, a retired teacher and absolutely fierce. Although they lived in Virginia, Big Mary, her husband Jim and their daughters Little Mary and Martha would come up to the fine state of Wisconsin at least once a year. Having a very small family, it was always exciting when our cousins with the southern accents would come “up” to visit. My sister and I were always jealous of the tales of school being called off over one measly inch of snow. Ridiculous.
Somewhere over the last ten years or so, Big Mary came up with one of my favorite sayings. She would call to talk to Mom and tell fun stories about life and school in the not so deep south. At one point, it would always come back to one of Mary’s favorite saying, “Not my problem.” She would say it in a fun accent that reminds me of Gone With The Wind (you know us Northerners, all Southern accents sound the same)and would be copied around my house regularly.
Don’t get me wrong. Mary is kind, funny and warm. She is a great Mom to my favorite cousins. Was a wonderful wife for years as her husband grew ill. A valued teacher, neighbor and friend. But Mary was also a smart and spunky lady who knew what to take responsibility for in her life. She wasn’t saying “I don’t care”, she was saying “I am concerned about that person, but they have to figure it out themselves and I can’t do it for them”.
After flippantly quoting Mary for years, one day I finally got it. It didn’t matter how much I worried, lectured, empathized, cried or tried to fix someone else’s life, I couldn’t. It was literally their problem and they had to work it out. I also realized I needed to accept that maybe they never would. In the past I would justify their bad habits, overlook questionable decisions, ignore hurtful comments and actions because when I focused on their problems, I didn’t have to deal with my own.
Something shifted in me that day. I gave myself permission to let go. To allow others to make their own choices and deal with the consequences. To support and listen, but let them know that I couldn’t take on their problems anymore. But in the end, it was never really about them. When I had others’ issues or dramas to worry about, I could ignore my own. The only person whose problems I could fix. Pretty silly right?
So I ask you this. What is “not your problem?” Who are you trying to fix? Who are you allowing to behave badly in your life? Who is taking up your precious time? Don’t you think it is time to let go? Need help? That is why we are here.
